Do You Know How to Communicate With Your Pilot?
Sometimes, we expect our husband’s and partners to be mind readers, and just as you aren’t, neither are they. Good communication will keep you happy, and keep your marriage and partnership healthy.
Remember, we are always dealing with 3 perspectives - your, his and somewhere in the middle, which is reality.
We make up stories about what is going on. Most of us have "Life's Playbook" - an inner script and dialogue for how we believe they should act and behave, according to our needs and wants.
Seldom does it go this way, however!
In the video, I share an example between my mom and my brother and how different the story really was in a miscommunication between them.
As cliche as it may sound, scheduling regular connection and communication time early on helps pave the way for this.
My tendency is to tackle things head on, when he walks in the door. In our case, this was not optimal and led to much frustration until I backed my ego and expectations out of it, and began to see his perspective.
Everyone will be a little different in this area, so figure out what works for you.
One thing I learned is that a coffee or lunch date was the best time to accomplish this - alcohol free.
Getting out of the house, in a neutral space can open the path to be present, connected and to simply discuss what’s going on.
Topics of discussion can be: Upcoming schedule and scheduling; kid and household duty; sex and intimacy; what’s working; what’s missing.
Be willing to tackle the tough conversations.
A key to effective communication is to focus on “I” statements and not “you.” Instead of - “you did this” or “You did that…” lean toward - “I feel….” or “When this happens, I feel…”
This shifts the tendency to place blame on the other, which leads to defensiveness and thwarts open communication.
Be the first one to open the lines of communication by asking - “How are you feeling about….”
- Our relationship in general
Nothing is off limits when presented effectively.
Good communication involves setting boundaries and sharing concerns about life on the road; members of the opposite sex; on the road check-ins and expectations.
Be the first to apologize when you are wrong and state why. Always take personal responsibility for your feelings and behaviors.
Listen, acknowledge and then respond. As Steven Covey teaches - “Seek first to understand; then to be understood.”
We all have a perception about things and very often, even with our partner, these are different.