What Happens When Our Expectations Aren't Met?
What expectations should one have of the pilot wife life? After all, it can be quite turbulent when our expectations aren’t met, right?
This is part of the pilot wife life ABCs.
We have expectations in all areas of life.
And, we come into relationships and other areas of life with expectations.
I once heard this quote:
“No one can hurt you, they just don’t meet your expectations”
Think about that for a minute. Expectations and hurt feelings.
We have expectations in all areas of life. Of ourselves, our partner, life, our parents, co workers, friends, our boss.
Personally, I break life down into my five favorite F’s. These are my 5 key areas.
Faith, Family and Friends, Fun, Fitness, and Finance.
I set my expectations around those.
The pilot wife life interjects its own unique set of circumstances but so often, life does not go as planned.
They don’t get a good schedule, the holidays off, a wedding, vacation time, EXTENDED trips, the list goes on.
They are gone a lot, We have anxiety, we get lonely why didn’t they call when they said they would.
Who are they with? Are they having fun while I am home juggling the kids and all of it?
Why is their life so easy?
Boy, the mind can go crazy, right?
Expectations for others often come from what I like to call “Life’s Playbook.”
The life playbook is basically a mental “how to” book that you have written, at least in your mind, for yourself, and others.
We all tend to have expectations of others and how they should behave and quite frankly, we get a little frustrated when they don’t act according to plan.
So while we have been busy writing a playbook for other’s, we have often let others write the playbook we are operating under, in accordance with their expectations.
We take our past and experiences we have gone through, and the beliefs and thoughts we made up around these, and inject them into the playbook we operate under today.
And, other’s do the same.
Can you relate?
The challenge is, in most cases, we have tied our sense of worthiness; our own opinions of ourselves; our thoughts about what we should and shouldn’t be doing to our own script and the one others have for us, and our script for them.
We feel like if they would just do what THEY are supposed to, we would be happy.
Now, you may be thinking - I don’t do this.
I know. I get it. I like to believe I don’t.
Most of us do this subconsciously. We aren’t even aware that we are doing it.
You can’t control another person, really, and most of us have a hard enough time controlling ourselves, for goodness sakes!
The reason we try so hard to change others is because of the way we think it will make us feel about ourselves. We think this means they like us, they respect us, care about us and so on. If they don’t follow our play book, we make up what this must mean and that usually is some negative thinking.
Expectations are not the same as clear boundaries. And boundaries are not about setting an ultimatum for another.
Your self image and confidence plays a huge role in your feelings and thoughts around all of this. Explore your thoughts around your self image. This is big.
Before we can create any type if change, it must start internally, with us. Our thoughts, and specifically our self image. How we truly see ourselves and how we want to see ourselves. We can only grow and create to the edge of what our self image allows.
This is why change can be so difficult. We think change starts with action, but it doesn’t. We can not create true change without changing who we are “being.”
You may know what I mean, if you reflect for a minute.
Maybe you feel stuck in a relationships; or your career, or a business you are launching. Shedding some extra weight and getting fit.
Often, we can’t seem to be able to get past a certain point, because our self image is stuck at a certain point, or idea about who we are and what we are capable of.
We want to be a size 8, yet we see ourselves as a size 12. We want to have a great relationship but we see our current one as challenging.
When you change how you see yourself, life begins to reflect it back to you.
So let’s start with your expectations for yourself. What are they, in the kay areas of your life? Who do you want to BE? Who are you striving to become?
If you’re challenged at all with this life, and wonder how to course correct to create that fabulous first class life, let’s have a conversation.